Having conversations that increase learning

What's the most important skill of all?

Every time I ask a group of people this question I get a range of answers - communication, respect, empathy, and confidence, to name a few.

But the most common one is - you guessed it - listening!

Everyone knows that listening is the start of good communication. When you listen to what the other person has to say, you learn what they think, which is half way to coming to a resolution of the issue you are discussing.

So..what's wrong with that?

Nothing in itself - it's just that there is more to listening than just listening!

The reason why we listen is to learn. The more we learn the better prepared we are to resolve the issue. So to build a more productive workplace, we need to have better learning conversations.

The key to doing that isn't just listening to what people are saying - it's having something more to listen to!

And the way we do that is..?

It's one thing to say that listening is the most important communication skill of all. But behind good listening - and therefore a better learning conversation - is the key skill of asking better questions.

Most of the time we can think of a few questions to ask. But it's the questions that we don't usually think of that will make the difference.

So to have a better learning conversation, as well as asking the usual What? and Why? questions, ask more questions like these:

· Questions that find obstacles - questions like What stops you from..?, What happens when..? and What would happen if you did?

· Questions that find resources - such as What would help you to..?, What would you use first? and What do you need in order to..?

· Questions that discover their values - questions like What's important about..?, How is that important to you? and What were you expecting would happen?

· Questions that request feedback - such as Are you getting what you need?, Are you getting what you expected? and Is there anything else we're missing?

The answers to these questions will show you what's happening under the surface and enable you to develop more collaborative solutions to issues.

Remember: it's not just a matter of listening, but of asking better questions to get better information to listen to!

What is collaboration at work?

So how's your day?

A question for you: what score do you give your days at work? Do you have a 5/10 day each day? Are some of them 7 or 8 - or even 9/10? (I asked a group this question once - one woman said "I would LOVE to have a 5/10 day...most of mine are 1/10!)

We spend a lot of our time at work, and we're all just trying to get along with each other, do a good job and go home happy and satisfied. Whether you're a boss, an employee or self-employed, in sales, private enterprise or the public service, we are all looking for the same thing - happier customers, a better working environment, more enjoyment and higher productivity.

So how can we get it?

What causes the problem?

Recent research by Prof Colin Coulson-Thomas of the University of Lincoln indicates the behaviour that is likely to lead to poor relationships and results at work:

• being reluctant to share
• seeking to cooperate only on your terms
• putting the bare minimum into maintaining relationships
• avoiding the confrontation that comes with arguments that precede mutual respect and agreement

In other words, people are afraid to collaborate: to do those things that are necessary for us to navigate through the inevitable difficulties, challenges and pitfalls of working together. So how can we fix it? Prof Coulson-Thomas' research shows how.

Collaboration at work means...

• being open to new ideas and suggestions for improvement
• endeavouring to find common ground and resolve conflicts
• establishing and regularly reviewing collaborative processes (eg the effectiveness of meetings!)
• being willing to challenge constructively
• recognising that deepening relationships is essential to mutual success

What this research shows is that it is possible each day to "improve the score" - there are practical things we can all do to have a better day.

Remember: the score you give each day isn't fixed at the beginning of the day, and needn't nose-dive just because something has gone wrong!